What makes love last là gì

There's a reason why so many fairy tales and romantic comedies end with a first kiss, a proposal or even a wedding. Falling in love is easy -- it's STAYING in love that can be the challenge.

Nội dung chính Show

Se încarcă
Iti mai recomandam si
Cumparate frecvent impreuna
Specificatii
Alti clienti au vizitat si
Fii primul care scrie un review
Se încarcă
Recent adaugate la Favorite
Intrebarile si raspunsurile clientilor
Ai nelamuriri?
Linkuri utile:
Istoricul tau de navigare

So how can you keep your romance going strong, long after the credits roll? In What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal (out today, Sept. 4), John Gottman, Ph.D., the famous marriage researcher and relationship counselor, says it's possible to predict whether a relationship will succeed or end in the heartbreak of infidelity. But it's not all doom and gloom: with the right tools, he says, you can make sure your fairy tale is one of the happily ever afters.

Once the "falling in love" phase is over (which, Gottman says, is a very hormonal-driven process), and couples move into the next phase of settling down, Gottman says the big question then becomes, "Can I trust you?"

At this point, Gottman explains, you are likely to start wondering, "Do I come first?" "Am I more important than your friends?" "Am I more important than your mother?" "Can I trust you to really work for our family, to be faithful to me, to keep finding me attractive?"

As these questions come up, you begin to either build loyalty in your relationship, or what he calls a "metric of betrayal."

"You have to feel that your partner has your best interests at heart," Gottman says -- and your partner has to feel that way about you.

"Even before there's any actual betrayal," he explains, "you start acting in a way that creates betrayal." Those actions, he says, involve comparing what you're getting to what you think you could get. "If you get into a habit where you start thinking you could do better, where you can imagine a better partner," says Gottman, "those negative comparisons lead you to nurture resentment about what is not there." The seeds are then planted for eventual discord, distrust and betrayal.

Alternatively, he says, you can act in a way that creates loyalty. "Loyalty is about nurturing gratitude for what you have," says Gottman. The key, he says, is cherishing your partner, "which involves both people making a conscious decision to minimize their partner's negative qualities and maximize the positive qualities."

How can you work on building loyalty and trust in your own relationship? Gottman offers these tips:

It's the "very small moments" that are important. Find little moments throughout the day to think about what it is you love, respect and honor about your mate, Gottman suggests. Devote some effort to nurturing that thinking.
Share those feelings with your partner! "Let him know how great he looks this morning," says Gottman. Express how much you appreciate the effort he put into running an errand for you, or something you love about him. "Cherishing becomes a ritual of connection in your relationship."
If you have doubts or concerns, bring them up! "Don't avoid dealing with feeling lonely, or like you're not as attractive to him as you used to be," says Gottman. Talk about it so you can resolve the issues.
Reframe. If you have a complaint about your partner, pause for a moment to think about where he might be coming from. If, say, he can get a little controlling, maybe it will help you to remember that he's also very supportive and protective of you, says Gottman. If it's a constant issue, then Gottman says it's something you need to talk about with him -- maybe he doesn't know he's doing it.

Of course, sometimes he's just not the right guy for you. "You can't build trust with just anybody," says Gottman. "When you bring up an issue with your mate, he should be open to working on it, which, in turns, helps build even more trust. It's a real active process, it's a mental and emotional process, where you are both thinking how lucky you are to have each other."

Se încarcă

Iti mai recomandam si

Descriere

Cumparate frecvent impreuna

Specificatii

Caracteristici generale

Autor	John Gottman
Colectie	Diverse

Brand: HMH SCHOOL RESTRICTED

eMAG.ro face eforturi permanente pentru a păstra acurateţea informaţiilor din acestă pagină. Rareori acestea pot conţine inadvertenţe: fotografia are caracter informativ şi poate conţine accesorii neincluse în pachetele standard, unele specificaţii pot fi modificate de catre producător fără preaviz sau pot conţine erori de operare. Toate promoţiile prezente în site sunt valabile în limita stocului.